tradition... tradition...

i don't want my previous post to get skipped over... i thought it was pretty good... i would normally let that sit on the top of my page for a while... but there is a certain tradition that i need to uphold... even though it's not the first wednesday of the month, it kind of is because this week is our staff week... so it's sort of like the first wednesday of the month... and i always post something on the first wednesday of the month...

this morning we had staff chapel and i sang... joy fills my soul (sarcasm)... it went okay, but it makes me mad that i get more nervous in front of 15 people that 500... it was fine... i mean, i'm definitely not winning any grammy's from it or anything... but no major issues...

moving on (quickly)...

i've decided to tell the story... i will keep the names anonymous, to protect those involved, but i really had some major learning points from the experience and wish to share it... some of it is funny... and i don't mean to offend... but for anyone that knows me, it was too good not to share... it's a really long story... so be warned... but it could be worth it...

let me give some background... mary is one of my best friends from the northwest... she now lives in pittsburgh and got married on saturday to one of the coolest guys i've ever met... mary has always been a big part of my cheering section, and from time-to-time, is more than just a by-stander when it comes to my love life (talking about setting me up and even attempting to)... we've always talked about our relationships with guys... and she is ever-encouraging me with certain guys... i feel like the picture i've painted isn't exactly precise, but i don't know how to explain it...

so... she had asked me to sing in her wedding several months ago and i told her that i absolutely would... and then she asked me to make welcome bags for her out-of-town guests staying at the hotel... and i told her i would do that, too... so last weekend (the weekend before the wedding), i was officially tired of wedding stuff and had written off weddings and marriage (again)... my statements were... "me and weddings... we're done... don't try to win me over with your empty promises of hopeful love... i know that you put on a pretty face but underneath it all, you'll just let me down in the end..." and for the rest of the week, i lived in that mentality... until...

mary had mentioned that one of her childhood friends would be at the wedding... they sort of grew up together, as much as kids whose dads are in the military can have "childhood friends" and this guy's family and mary's family had stayed friends... he was even going to be at the rehearsal dinner... and because i'm a girl, about wednesday, i start getting excited to meet him...

friday (rehearsal dinner) comes and i meet him and he is a very attractive guy... honestly... i think he's very good looking... and he's really nice... we ended up sitting next to each other at dinner and we talk... and things are going great... i'm really excited about having met him... and looking forward to seeing him the next day at the wedding... i was really excited because i had a new outfit and i thought it looked really good...

so saturday comes, and i have the car crisis... i get to the wedding and i don't really talk to him before the wedding because i was practicing... but at the reception we talked a little... and he let me borrow his camera because my camera was in my car that had been towed... i'm not dumb... i know that he'll have to email me the pictures, starting correspondence... so as the reception's about to end, he gives me his phone number and email address and i give him mine... i mention that i'm going to go hang out at my friend's apartment and go to nw 23rd that night... one of my favorite places in portland and i invite him along... he was going to go to dinner with his family but said he might give me a call later... i ended up being in beaverton longer than expected, and he called as i was near the hotel he was staying... he wanted to go to alyssa's... so i rode with him over to her house... we went to eat on nw 23rd... and then we went back to alyssa's to watch diary of a mad black woman... he ended up taking me to get my car that night from the towing company... and the whole time, he was an absolute gentleman... i never had to open a door... when we went to the towing company, he was reassuring and made me feel very safe (it was in a sketchy part of town)... and as we left from there, he gave me a hug and told me he'd call me the next day...

i went home beaming... what a great guy... if anyone had ever questioned if i was a girly-girl, it definitely got answered that night... he called the next day and the plan was for me to head down toward beaverton and go out to eat with his family and mary's family, but when the time came, they were all too tired, so he ended up coming to vancouver and we went out - just the two of us... we went to eat at a new restaurant downtown and to see harry potter and the goblet of fire... through dinner and the movie, i felt like i was being boring... like i hate the small talk stuff that happens when you meet someone new... it felt awkward and unnatural... and i really wanted to break through it all... so after the movie, i asked if he was tired or if he wanted to go get coffee... he said coffee would be fine, so we get in my car and head to starbucks... i went the back way to show him part of vancouver, but it was super-foggy... so it ended up being more like the "used-to-be-seattle tour" (that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but you, amy...) but we get to the street that starbucks is on... it's right next to my office, right by where i lived for 2 years... where i went to school... i know this street well... and i'm driving up the hill... going about my normal speed for this hill (40-45)... and it was foggy... but he says, "could you slow down? you're freaking me out..." which, to be honest, pissed me off... i started to boil, but didn't say anything...

we get to starbucks and only the drive-thru is open... so we can either get coffee, sit in the car and talk for a while or get it and head back to the theater... we get in the drive-thru and i tell him i'm buying (because he paid for dinner and the movie) and he says, "oh... i don't want anything..." that made me mad, too... i finally convince him to get something, because i won't get anything if he doesn't... (and i'm skipping some other stuff here, too...) and we head back toward the theater... there were a couple of times when he adjusted the heater in the car without asking first, which is fine... but then (i had a mixtape cd in - the soundtrack of my life), a garth brooks song came on... i'm not a huge country music fan, but i like certain songs... as the song came on, he said, "oh i hate country music" and flips to the next song... which kind of irritates me... but then... carolina in my mind comes on... it's one of my favorite songs... and he immediately says, "i hate this song" and flips it again...

at this point, i'm kind of irritated, but not completely done yet... throughout the evening, there had been a few references to movies... he hadn't seen the few that i talked about... on saturday night, i had told him i was a pretty big movie fan... at the store, he had purchased a monty python shirt, so i was thinking he was, too... he asked me how many dvd's i own... about 75... and he says, "oh i've got you beat..." and at one point, he even said, "you don't own princess bride and you call yourself a movie fan?" i'm pretty aware of culture... i'm not obsessed with what is going on in hollywood all the time, but i watch a fair amount of tv, movies and listen to what i think is some good music... i sometimes forget that others aren't necessarily as aware as i am...

the song "winding road" comes on... i really love the song and i love telling people it's bonnie somerville... the girl that played mona on the 8th season of friends... so i ask... "did you watch friends?" and he says... "no, i don't have cable..." what? i didn't say anything even though i wanted to... seriously... 10 years... on network television... the reruns are on fox, also not cable... i mean, sure, they do show the reruns on some cable networks... but it blew me away...

we get back to the theater and he gets out and gets in his car and leaves... and as i drove home, i thought, "he was so yesterday..." and then i started thinking about it more seriously... am i shallow?

it made me think of a quote in high fidelity... rob says, "A while back, Dick, Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter! Call me shallow, it's the truth."

there is some debate about whether or not this thought is actually held to in the movie, but i think it's true for me... my stance on movies is that i really like talking about them, but not in the general sense... i like to find theological implications in movies or talk about how the director did this... or one of cameron crowe's directorial trademarks being a car scene... or how he weaves the soundtrack into the film... or how the color red is used in the sixth sense... it's bigger than the general hollywood discussion of who's dating whom... but a lot of times, i know that stuff... you take the bad with the good...

throughout the date, i was asking a lot of questions... (which also kind of irritated me...) i like discussion and even a healthy level of debate... one of the questions i asked was "what is your favorite band/musician?" - he didn't have an answer... i knew that he really only listens to christian music... he said, "i don't know... what about you?" immediately, i got nervous... i thought, "what's the best/least repulsive christian band i can think of off the top of my head..." and i landed on caedmon's call... which is okay, but certainly not my favorite... simon and garfunkel hold that spot... but in an instant, i said what i thought he would want to hear...

and after reflecting on it that night, i realized some things... i'm a little bit domineering... i think that was the case with this guy... i need someone who will challenge me and be strong in more ways than just being a gentleman (cue: are you strong enough to be my man?)... i need to be with someone who i can discuss movies and music and tv (culture) with... it's important to me... instead, in that instant, i felt ashamed of the things i really like... and that didn't feel good... and the shame didn't come from conviction of the holy spirit, but by a person who really shouldn't have power to do that...

and even though this guy is probably the nicest guy i've ever met and very attractive, i realized that those two things don't necessarily make him a perfect man for me... which is fine... because for someone else, he will be... and, that guy who is perfect for me may be out there somewhere, too...

but it doesn't really matter... it was just weddings' way of trying to sneak back in there... trying to win my favor once again... if i met a guy at a wedding, maybe i'd be a fan again... but you're out of luck... i saw through your game... we're still done...

okay... so here are the pictures from mary's wedding... i'm not sure how they'll show up in the post... but i'll give my commentary on each one... it should be pretty self-explanatory... first up are a couple of fun pictures of mary and rob...

i feel like they're classic looks from each of them... (keep in mind... i didn't take any of these pictures and i haven't really had a chance to edit them... i'm planning to adjust the light/colors at some point... but not today...)
next up are pictures of me and mary and me and sarah... sarah is mary's younger sister and was her maid of honor... i met sarah when she came to visit mary (when mary still lived in beaverton) and think she's wonderful... i had some plans to try and be related to her, but i don't think they're going to work out... too bad... but she is really fun... and she lives in japan right now, working for the university of oklahoma - okinawa

next is a picture of russ and susan (susan is mary's mom and russ is a new friend from the wedding - one of mary's family friends' son... or something like that...) the reason for the picture is mary's mom's dress... at work, we've been talking about the style of moms' dresses at weddings... one of my coworker's daughters just got engaged... she's not a big fan of the typical style...
and the last picture i threw in for two reasons... another example of the mom dress style... rob's mom is the one in the purple-y colored dress... the other reason is that it's a full shot of me (with a weird look on my face) ... with the outfit i wore... i honestly can't remember the last time i wore a skirt that was shorter than ankle-length before that day... you can't really see the detail of the outfit... but that's it... i will also be sporting the outfit to our staff christmas party in a couple of weeks... i don't have a date... any takers???

ok... i'm hoping this works okay and makes sense...

Oh, man, I had a weekend...

i am very torn about writing about this weekend... it was definitely one of the craziest weekends i've had in a very long time... it is just the kind of thing that is so inspiring and would be the best writing i've done... but we'll see... i've written some in my journal and i may just go ahead and write it later tonight because i'm pretty sure i'll have the time...

it will blow your mind...

seriously...

craziest week...

this week will be one of the craziest weeks ever... i'm just trying to keep my head above water... tonight is relient k and mxpx at the crystal ballroom...

and then to beaverton to drop off the welcome bags for the wedding this weekend...

my desk is messy and i wish i had an assistant... 21 work days left...

gotta run!!!

m-t-s-thursday... movie trivia... part 7

today's movie trivia is posted... except it won't show up yet on my computer... which is weird... but it's there... it's not going to be on the front page... it's hidden back in 1999... so click on 11.1999 on the sidebar and start guessing... since i can't see it, i'm hoping that it worked okay... it was kind of a complicated one this time... but i hope it's fun for everyone - something different for me, anyway...

finally... this is the album cover for the mixtape... i love the cd and thought this would be cool...  

cd art...

i have been trying to post a picture of the cd cover i made for a mixtape cd amy made for me a few months ago. i copied the cd for a couple of friends and wanted it to look extra cool... and i can't get the picture to upload on my site... sad... as soon as i can, i'm going to post it... because it's cool...

on a separate mixtape note... i saw an interview with cameron crowe on npr.org. actually, i'm listening to it right now... it's about the marriage of music to movies (via soundtracks), which is something he does a marvelous job with... if you're interested in hearing the interview, here's the link...

and one other separate mixtape note... i officially declared mixtape a genre today... because i think it's legal to say "mixtape cd..." and mixtape cd sounds better than compilation cd or compilation album... unless those are the subtitles...

the end of the sunset in spokane... it was a great end to a short little roadtrip...  

the sun kept peeking over the top of the hills... and it was a great reminder for me... truly beautiful!!! 

here's a handful of snow i picked up... i ate a couple of bites before throwing it back on the ground... yum... 

this is what a lot of the drive looked like... beautiful snow-covered trees hiding the sun...  

i took a short little drive through wallace, idaho... this is downtown... cute... and out in the middle of nowhere...  

i actually stopped on the side of the road to take this one... i was in idaho and it was too pretty to pass by without taking a picture...  

random "artsy" shot from the road... somewhere in idaho...  

i just thought this was a funny name for a bar... i parked right beside it to go into sparky's firehouse subs where i bought the best sandwich i've eaten in a very very long time!!! 

this is a view from the balcony of the ballroom on a cloudy day... i loved it!!! 

i love the way the mountains looked like they were covered in suede... it amazed me...  

the vista house from i-84... this is only about 30 minutes from my house... very early on in the journey!!! 

sunday nights make me sad...

i'm really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow... it'll be a busy day, which will be good to make the time pass by quickly... but i'm not excited about going back... one tear...

much to write...

i took a quick trip to idaho and montana earlier today... (mentioned in movie trivia)... and it was wonderful... absolutely wonderful... i am grateful to dave f. and matt o. who encouraged the road trip in our discussion...

i want to be able to formulate my thoughts a little better... but there are three major things that stuck out in major ways on the drive...

1. i remembered what it was like to be 5 years old today in a very particular way... when i was a kid i was amazed by nature... trees looked HUGE and snow was the most beautiful sight i had ever seen... not only was it aesthetically pleasing, but it also brought the hope of a day without school... i loved being in the car and looking at nature passing me by...

somewhere between the time of 5 years old and 25 years old, things have changed... trees don't seem as tall anymore... snow is exciting, but not in the same way...

but things were different today... the trees in idaho and montana are HUGE!!! seriously - they're tall trees... they were all the way up the side of the mountain where i could barely see the top without ducking my head down to be able to see more... beautiful, tall snow-covered evergreen trees... one of the most beautiful things i've seen in a very long time... i even stopped at a "historical site" and got a handful of snow, took pictures and ate a bite or two... for old times sake... and today i used comp time from work, so it was almost as happy as not having school... or happy in a different way - but with much joy...

it made me feel small today - not in an insignificant sense of the word, but in the wide-eyed wonder sense of the word... i got chills looking at the mountainside... my heart was happy...

2. coming back to spokane, i somehow timed it right without even knowing it... and was driving into spokane while the sun was setting... and i'm just going to tell you that the sky looked big... very very big... and it was streaked with the most brilliant colors i've seen in a very long time... as i tried to imagine those colors together on a palatte, it didn't seem the same... as i thought about it some more i realized... i could never recreate those colors... the sky was on fire... even thomas kinkade can't match God's art... i got to see a piece of it today in the afternoon sky... and my heart was happy...

3. i stopped in coeur d'alene (pronounced core da lane - it's french... so i guess the plural would be coeurs d'alene...) during early afternoon... i drove around the lake (gorgeous!!!) and then i stopped at a mexican restaurant and ate and then walked down to a used/rare book store, where i bought 4 books... looking through the shelves was wonderful... i love old book stores... love them!!! i told the owner that i was so glad to have found him this afternoon... i think he was happy for the company for a while... i loved it... it made my heart happy...

so after all this happy heart business... it's just made me realize the faithfulness of God... it is no secret that i've been struggling in many ways the last several weeks and months... that journey is not over by a long shot... but i was reminded of His goodness today in a fresh way...

and i haven't even mentioned the conversation from last night... but there is no time for that right now... it's been a great 24 hours... more info about the conversation to come... it was on that level of the great conversations i have with my boss sometimes... but way way better... i know it's a great conversation when i both cry and snort...

but for now... i gotta go... oh... and i'll post pictures as i'm able...

m-t-s-thursday, part 6... road trip...

okay... new trivia... and you should feel happy... i totally didn't feel like making it up... and i did... just for you!!! today's theme is no secret... each of the quotes contain either "idaho" or "montana" because that is where i'm going in just a little while... i'm so close that i can drive to both... hang out in several different places and make it back to spokane by 8:30... amazing... so have fun... no cheating... i'll update answers as i'm able...

name the movie for 1000 points each...

1. I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that? {hunt for red october} ~ chris
   
2. Look, I may be from Montana, but we have men there also. {phone booth} ~ chris
   
3. Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise. {A River Runs Through It} ~ chad
   
4. I will listen now. After your father's murder, you were orphaned. You were ten years old. You went to live with cousins on a sheep and horse ranch in Montana. And...? {silence of the lambs} ~ andrea
   
5. Woo-oo. You look like sex on a stick in that Frederick Montana getup. {sweet home alabama} ~ andrea
   
6. A mall? Where y'all think we're at, Boise, Idaho? Shooo! {adventures in babysitting} ~ andrea
   
7. I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride. Understand? {napoleon dynamite} ~ chad
   
8. No, not there honey over in Goober, Idaho but it's a nuclear waste dump. {overboard} ~ andrea
   
9. Way to go, Idaho! {toy story} ~ andrea
   
10. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho. {the muppet movie} ~ chris

spokane...

it's been an interesting couple of days... i feel like it's thursday, but it's only monday... wow... i have 2 full days left of convention stuff left... i'm pretty sure that i'll be wiped out wednesday night... but it's okay... it's a very nice break from the usual...

and today - i got to sleep in a lot... i LOVE staying in hotels... and this hotel is super nice... i'm staying on the 8th floor... so i opened the curtains and woke up to a beautiful skyline view of spokane... and can see the lights now of the city... i LOVE it!!!

okay... enough about all that...

it's also been really good to see poeple that i haven't seen in a while... today, i randomly ran into a friend of mine from seminary on the balcony of the skyline ballroom... i had just been thinking... "wow... there's a balcony... that would be cool to go on and just be..." and then i noticed him out there... random... and fun...

oh... and i get to be a messenger for my church, which means i get to vote on stuff... which is something new... my pastor and his wife were registering and they asked me if i wanted to be a messenger... so i get to be... which is pretty fun...

but my contacts are drying out... and i'm tired... so i'm going to take them out and go to sleep... and i will just go on the record in saying that they have the best pillows ever... and a great desk chair... i know that people take hotel towels all the time... i wonder if i could get out with the desk chair and the pillows...

today's been a heck-of-a-day...

and i'm glad it's friday... i'm going home...

m-t-s-thursday, part 5... is it thursday already?

i realized this morning that it's thursday again... work has been stressful this week... i've officially worked 2 hours past when i get off tonight and who knows how long i'll be here tomorrow night... i seriously just thought, "if i leave by 6:00, that will be okay..." and then i looked down at my watch and realized it was almost 6:30... but i have to put up movie trivia today or i will get a bad reputation... i fully expect that this week's will be shorter than last weeks... i have no good ideas and no real time to be creative (or energy...)

the rules are the same... no cheating... and have fun... (and i am sure there are others... i just can't remember what they are...)

For each quote, name the movie and the actor/actress who says it for 1000 points each... (see, i'm giving lots of points away... you should be happy!)

1. I'm right on top of that, Rose. {don't tell mom... the babysitter's dead - christina applegate} ~ chris
2. I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". {office space - john c. mcginley} ~ chad, but no one gets the additional 1000 (because it was listed... and cheater points don't count!!)
3. So that's why everyone around here treats me like some dime-store floozy. They all think I'm screwing the boss. {9 to 5 - dolly parton} ~ amy
4. Oh... This is nice, I don't understand why women complain about waxing. {what women want - mel gibson} ~ chris
5. Well, we obviously can't leave you alone with that stapler. {two weeks notice - hugh grant} ~ chris
6. Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. {being john malkovich - john cusack} ~ robyn
7. I hate men who smell like beer and bean dip... and makin' love in the back of recreational vehicles! {big business - bette midler} ~ chris
8. I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing. {jerry maguire - tom cruise} ~ chris
9. Ah, so you're a son of a Mitch. {elizabethtown - kirsten dunst} ~ emily/chad
10. We need Kate, and we need Leo. And we need them now. Come on. [they go in and watch Titanic] {love actually - liam neeson} ~ chris

2500 points goes to the person that can guess the theme... that's a lot - but i'm feeling generous today... the theme is "office" - amy guessed jobs... which is close enough...

12000 points to chris
4500 points to amy
2000 points to chad
1000 points to emily
2000 points to me for the remaining quote and actor

The theme is NOT chick flicks... (a lot of them are - but they're not all chick flicks and that's a cop-out of a theme... i'm a little more creative than that!)

a break in the rain brought to you by the first wednesday of the month...

i love these days... the quiet first wednesdays of the month are one of my most treasured things at work... and this week has been rainy... the past two days, it's been gray skies, clouds and rain... the whole world looked gray... and i like the rain... but it's nice to look out my window today and see patches of blue behind the clouds...

november is looking to be a pretty crazy month... it's amazing how time slips by so quickly... unnoticed... i've been thinking on the lyric "Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans" (Thank you, John Lennon, for that slice of brilliance)... i heard this phrase first when i was in high school... it should have been a warning... but instead, i thought it fun and interesting... and didn't heed the warning...

and today is probably no different... i often miss things because i'm looking at the next step... i've said it before that when i get on "go" mode (at work or in life), i might accidentally step on someone and not even know it... if i'm "on a mission" to do something, i often don't notice who i'm hurting or ignoring in the process...

here's the real life example...

i have a couple of great friends in the northwest... they're the friends i'd pick even if i hadn't had to take desperate attempts to find friends here... they have definitely moved past the arena of "friends by convenience" and right into that special spot called "friends by choice..." they are fun and exuberant... (i just really like that word...) they are the people that don't laugh at me (at least to my face) when i'm having weird issues... when we talk about guys (it's just... a little crush), they want the whole story, with no part left out... and i want the whole story from them, too...

what's funny and a bit ironic, is that i don't know if we make each others' b.f.f. lists... we all have other friends that we "do stuff" with... we're not bound in those relationships... i don't hang out with them every second of the day... but they're my friends... true... honest... fun...

i haven't considered their feelings much in the last few months... with all the planning for the move... at one point one of the girls let me borrow a cd (vance gilbert) with a song on it called "taking it all to tennessee" and she said that's her song to me... it's a great song (and cd, by the way)... but one of the verses stung me in a very deep way... i've put the words below (to the chorus and the verse...)

Now you're taking it all to Tennessee
Taking it all to Tennessee
What about me?

I haven't heard you mention my name
And tomorrow in the same phrase
Since this Smokey Mountain conversation started
You've got this picture of your place
And you flash it in my face
Well, if you want me to for you
I'll be excited

life has happened to me with my northwest friends while i've been busy getting ready for nashville... i don't want to miss it anymore... i've tried to be intentional with them - to say "tomorrow" and their names in the same sentence... to make deliberate plans with them... i will miss them when i move... i have friends in nashville, but it's just like starting over... and while that's exciting and fun... it's also terrifying...

maybe i'm just more introspective today... i think that kind of mood comes with the kind of weather we've been having...

on sunday, i'm going to spokane for our annual convention meeting... i'm hoping there is free internet in the hotel and i can take my laptop and blog from there... i don't know how much time i will have... but i'm excited to go to spokane because i've never been to eastern washington and i'll get to drive over to idaho and mark another state off my list... and hopefully, i'll get to hang out with my friend heather... it's been a long time...

but i guess i should get some work done before the meeting is over and the silence is broken...